If you PMS, or love someone who does, read this

Sometimes, I get depressed. Actually, it happens on a monthly basis. Usually, about a week before my period, I catch myself thinking dreadful, existential thoughts like:

• What's the point of all this?
• I'm never going to be satisfied with life.
• No one actually cares about anything or anyone.

Yikes, sorry to be bleak! I'm not making it up, though—it can get dark and dreary in my head. And if I'm being honest, I also start to think things like:

• Sean and I never connect anymore.
• Why am I so unattractive? Why is he so unattractive?
• Do we even like spending time together anymore?

We start getting irritable with each other, playing off this negative energy, which reinforces those thoughts and can send me spiraling at night. But then, a glorious thing happens. I start to bleed.

Within just a couple of days of this inconvenient physiological phenomenon, I feel closer to my husband than ever—so attracted to his presence, thinking we can do anything if we're together. It’s a breath of fresh air that lasts a couple of weeks, and it’s what I hold on to when my period-tracking app notifies me: You might be feeling irritable and bloated today.

This email is not an ad for said app—I won’t even name it. I truly just want to remind couples that hormones MATTER to relationships, and the more aware you are of how your body and hormones impact your mood and thoughts, the better you'll be able to navigate these moments as a partner.

Knowing and understanding my cycle has honestly gotten me through some dark days, as I remind myself: I feel this way for now, not forever. Being able to tell Sean what I'm experiencing and ask him not to take things personally has saved us from so many unnecessary arguments.

No, being on your period is not an excuse to mistreat your partner, but the context can absolutely help diffuse otherwise tense situations and help you have more empathy for each other. It’s not easy to PMS, and also—it’s not easy to be with a partner who is PMSing!

Here are some recommendations for partners who are impacted by PMS or other hormonal fluctuations:

• Become aware of what triggers these fluctuations and have open communication with each other about when they are happening.
• Decide on a code word to indicate that you just need some space or that you don't want to interact—not because of anything the other person did, but because you’re not feeling up to it.
• Have empathy for each other and remember that it's no one's fault.
• Treat concerns as real and valid, but wait to decide on an action plan until you’re feeling a bit better. The thoughts you have at this time are still real—they just may be more intense and harder to consider objectively in the moment.

If you felt like that was an overshare—sorry, not sorry. Love you all.