Sometimes sex is overrated...here's why

Let’s just get this out of the way—I’m not here to bash sex. I am, however, here to challenge the way we talk about it, think about it, and (sometimes) put way too much pressure on it. If you're anything like me, you've experienced ebbs and flows in your sexual desire and satisfaction. AND, you've probably also seen countless messages online that pressure you to spend all your time trying to revive and fix this part of your relationship. 

Because somewhere along the way, sex became the marker of a successful relationship. And while intimacy is absolutely important, I want to offer three reasons why sex might just be… a little overrated.

1. It’s not the best predictor of relationship success

You’ve probably heard the idea that a “good sex life” = a good relationship. But research shows that while satisfying sex is a part of a healthy relationship, it’s not the biggest predictor of long-term success. In fact, emotional intimacy, communication, and shared values tend to rank higher when it comes to long-term happiness. Sex can enhance connection, but it’s not the foundation of connection.

2. It gets too much credit for connection

Sex can absolutely bring couples closer, but real intimacy isn’t built in the bedroom—it’s built in the tiny, everyday moments. It’s the way you check in on each other, how you handle conflict, the inside jokes, the thoughtful gestures. If sex is the only thing making you feel close, there’s probably a bigger conversation that needs to happen.

3. It’s often seen as the solution when it’s actually the symptom

How many times have you heard that “fixing your sex life” will fix your relationship? But often, sexual disconnection isn’t the problem—it’s a symptom of something deeper. Stress, resentment, lack of emotional safety—those things don’t get solved with more sex; they get solved with more understanding. Trying to “fix” a relationship through sex alone is like putting a fresh coat of paint on a cracked foundation.

So no, I’m not saying sex doesn’t matter. I am saying that we should stop giving it so much power. Because when we do, we actually create more space for genuine connection—the kind that makes sex (when it happens) feel even better.

Would love to hear your thoughts—do you agree, or do you think I’ve lost my mind?