Dear friend,
This week I found myself missing my husband. I don't need to list all the reasons it's been hard to connect in today's world and this phase of life, you get it. But what I will share is that instead of simply telling him I missed him or making an effort to intentionally connect, I found myself hiding away. I spent more time working, buried myself in household management tasks, kept a neutral face when we conversed…I was being weird and I didn't know why.
Well, until I psychoanalyzed myself (yes, this happens a lot) and came up with a few ideas. 1. It felt vulnerable to admit that I missed him, and vulnerability takes energy and bravery. 2. I didn't want to be misunderstood and have him think I was blaming him for not connecting with me, especially when he as so much on his plate (finishes grad school in two weeks yay!!!). And 3. I had these secret hopes that he would be the first one to say it. How romantic…not. (Read to the end to find out what happened next!)
Today, I want to dive into a topic that resonates deeply with many of us: missing our partners. It's a feeling that can wash over us unexpectedly, leaving us yearning for their presence, their touch, their warmth. But expressing that “I miss you” can sometimes feel like navigating treacherous waters, with the risk of stirring up defensiveness or misunderstanding.
So, how do we communicate “I miss you” in a way that they will truly hear and have empathy for? Here are a few tips to consider:
Timing is Key: Choose a moment when both you and your partner are relaxed and receptive. Avoid bringing up sensitive topics during busy or stressful times, as it may lead to misinterpretation.
Express Vulnerability: Start by sharing your own feelings rather than pointing fingers or making accusations. Use "I" statements to convey your emotions authentically. For example, instead of saying, "You never spend enough time with me," try saying, "I've been feeling a bit lonely lately and I miss our time together."
Focus on Connection: Frame your longing as a desire to strengthen your bond with your partner. Emphasize the positive aspects of your relationship and express gratitude for their presence in your life. “I feel so much more productive and energized when we've had moments to connect, I'm so grateful that being with you gives me that sense of confidence.” This can help soften any potential defensiveness and foster a sense of closeness.
Be Open to Listening: Remember that communication is a two-way street. Allow space for your partner to share their perspective and feelings without judgment. Practice active listening and validate their emotions, even if they differ from your own.
Offer Solutions Together: Instead of dwelling solely on the problem, brainstorm solutions as a team. Explore ways to carve out quality time together that align with both of your schedules and preferences. This collaborative approach can strengthen your connection and create a sense of unity.
Remember, missing your partner is totally normal. Even when you see each other every day! It's okay to feel a little awkward expressing this, I promise that it doesn't make you “needy”. By approaching the conversation with empathy, vulnerability, and a willingness to listen, you'll navigate it together with grace and understanding.
Back to my story…after a boring night filled with meaningless tasks I finally worked up the courage to turn to my husband and say “I miss you.” That simple statement turned into a 20 minute relationship check in (which we hadn't done in a while!), a fun at-home date night the following evening (my portrait was better than his), and a lot more laughter and teasing over the past 48 hours. It was just the little boost that we needed, and I know you can make it happen in your relationship too.
