Why won't my partner take initiative on things?

She had literally been praying for her husband to do this one thing... actually praying every night for it to happen. Praying that he would take initiative and have a desire of his own accord to schedule a date for them without being prompted or reminded or asked.

And you know what happened? On a random Tuesday, HE DID IT! Out of the blue, he looked at her and said, "Hey, I've scheduled a dinner date for us. Would you want to come, and does that work for you?" And you know how she responded? "Errrr, yes, but could we maybe go out on a walk instead? I don't want to eat late."

Uhhh...

Okay, so you're telling me you've been PRAYING your heart out for your husband to take some initiative on something that matters to you, and when it happens, your first response is to edit so that it better suits you? Girl… come on now. You prayed for this. Let’s talk.. we gotta break this down on both sides:

Where he's missing the mark:

• He's not putting enough thought into relationship care. For a relationship to thrive, both partners need to show that they intentionally care about keeping the relationship alive. This looks like BOTH partners regularly suggesting dates, intimate time, deep convos, etc. If she's having to beg and pray for it to happen, that's not a good sign.

Where she's making it harder than it needs to be:

• She is reinforcing the damaging thought pattern of "nothing I do is right" or "It's her way or the highway." When he takes initiative, let him lead—especially on something that will not have disastrous or dangerous outcomes. So you don't want to eat late? Say, "Babe! This means so much to me. I'm so excited!! I want to fully enjoy this with you—can we move the time up a bit so I'll be able to digest a little better tonight before bed?"

How they can both do better moving forward:

They need to get out of this feedback loop where neither one feels safe or successful. She’s stuck thinking, “If I don’t tweak it, I’m stuck with something that doesn’t work for me.” And he’s stuck thinking, “Why even try if I’m just going to get it wrong anyway?” That cycle kills initiative AND connection.

So what’s the fix?

He needs to build a little stamina. If the first attempt doesn’t land perfectly, don’t spiral or get defensive!! Adjust and try again. Initiative is a muscle, and the more you use it, the easier it gets. Plus, when you show her this wasn’t a one-time performance, she’ll soften too.

She needs to shift from immediate editing to positive reinforcement first. Let the first thing out of your mouth be excitement or appreciation. You can still have preferences—but lead with, “This means so much to me,” instead of, “Could we change it?”

And together? They need to start naming the effort when they see it. Like literally say out loud, “I see what you just did there, and it matters to me.” That kind of acknowledgment builds momentum and hope in the relationship. 

What's the moral of the story?

TAKE MORE INITIATIVE AND ALLOW MORE INITIATIVE TO BE TAKEN. It's on both of you, I promise. 

Reply and let me know:

What’s one thing your partner could take initiative on that would mean a lot to you right now?