Why Doesn’t My Husband Want to Do It Anymore?

You’re not imagining it.

When physical intimacy suddenly drops off in a relationship, especially when it used to feel consistent, your nervous system notices right away. It can feel confusing, unsettling, and quietly painful.

This is one of the most common questions I hear, and it often sounds like this:

“Why doesn’t my husband want to have sex anymore? It’s been a few weeks, which is very unusual for us. He’s under a lot of stress right now, but I still feel sad and confused. What’s going on?”

Let’s slow this down together.

First, Your Reaction Makes Sense

If sex has been a reliable point of connection in your relationship and it suddenly changes, it’s natural to feel unsettled.

A dip in physical closeness can bring up questions like:

• Is something wrong with me?
• Did I do something?
• Is this about attraction?
• Is this the beginning of a bigger problem?

None of these thoughts mean you’re needy or dramatic. They mean connection matters to you.

The Most Likely Explanation (And Why It’s Reassuring)

In many cases, a sudden drop in sexual desire is stress-related.

High stress increases cortisol, which directly suppresses libido and sexual arousal. When someone is overwhelmed, their body shifts into survival mode, and pleasure becomes less accessible.

Major stressors like:

• job changes
• increased responsibility
• family financial pressure
• emotional caretaking

take up a significant amount of mental and emotional capacity.

What’s important to understand is this:

This is not about losing interest in you.
It’s about a nervous system that’s overloaded.

Why This Isn’t a Red Flag (Yet)

Three weeks of lower desire during a high-stress season is well within the range of normal.

In fact, the things that make this less concerning are:

• the change is sudden
• it lines up with clear stressors
• it’s different from his usual baseline

That points to capacity, not attraction.

If this were about desire for you specifically, you’d likely see a more gradual or long-standing shift.

You’re Still Allowed to Talk About It

Even if stress explains what’s happening, you don’t have to pretend it doesn’t affect you.

The key is how you open the conversation.

Leading with fear or accusation tends to trigger defensiveness. Leading with connection keeps the door open.

Two Ways to Start the Conversation

1. The curiosity-based opener

“Hey, I know you’ve had a lot on your plate lately, and I want to check in. Not to pressure you, but because I miss feeling close to you. How have you been feeling about sex lately?”

2. The reassurance-first opener

“I want you to know I’m not upset with you. I’ve just noticed we haven’t been as physically close, and I’m realizing I miss that connection. Can we talk about what’s been hardest for you lately?”

Both approaches do the same thing:

• they remove performance pressure
• they prioritize connection over expectation

One Thing That Often Helps More Than Sex

For a short period of time, take sex completely off the table—intentionally.

Instead, focus on non-demand physical closeness, like:

• sitting close on the couch
• a long hug
• back rubs with no expectation
• falling asleep touching in some small way

Why This Helps

When someone is stressed, sexual initiation can feel like another place they might fail.

Removing expectation allows the nervous system to relax. And when pressure drops, desire often returns naturally.

The Big Takeaway

Stress-related dips in libido are about capacity, not attraction.

This doesn’t mean your relationship is broken.
It doesn’t mean the spark is gone.
And it doesn’t mean something is wrong with either of you.

It means the nervous system is overwhelmed—and that’s something couples can work with, together.

If you’re navigating a season like this, go gently. Connection doesn’t disappear overnight, and it doesn’t have to be forced back into place.